Why I Hate Leaving My House

 

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Let’s just start with a fact. My husband calls me a shut in. I would rather be home than anyplace else. Yes, I have my adventures, but that’s a different story. Right now I’m going to talk about today. I’m driving my boys to school because once again my son is experiencing anxiety. Which means so am I! ( That’s a different story. ) I dread the entire drop off circle. Sorry, but I’m a big rule follower ( OK, sometimes) and the irritation begins when people can’t pull up to the right spot or decide to just drop their kid off anyplace they like in the circle then drive on the inside ( read: dangerous) of the circle to rip out of the parking lot because they are running late.  Add to it that 4 out of 5 parents are on their phones while pulling out of the road by the school. I have counted several times. Take note local police, you can keep my town safe and make your tickets for the month just waiting down the road by the school.

I then proceed to the next town over for some shopping. I have to cross a bridge. Of course, this morning two lanes of EZ-Pass are blocked by people that don’t have EZ-Pass and obviously can’t read either. Lucky for me a third lane is open and I make it through without a problem. I begin to panic and don’t know where I should start first. The gods tell me Target is the place. I enter and then it happens. That haze of sales bursting in front of my face. I just needed one thing, but left with several. Great deals, but can someone tell me why I felt the need to buy two boxes of oil pastels? Yes, I know they were 62 cents. I guess I better start drawing again. It’s been awhile. The lines are long and only 3 registers are open. I think I have been saved because I get the go ahead to go to a newly opened register. I’m holding the big sleigh on top of my cart as I wander out of the store. I think to myself, “Thank God I didn’t get another one like my husband asked me too!” I’m so thirsty. What time is it?

I really need to eat something, but I still have to go to ShopRite. I have a love hate relationship with this ShopRite on the other side of the bridge. They have all the stuff I need, but it’s a crazy mess of a store. I guess because I never shop there I don’t know where things are in the store. They have all the items I’m looking for with my coupons, but these aisles are super small. These people just leave their carts all over the place. I swear I spend more time moving carts than actually shopping. Then I notice, several people have more than more cart. Is it the impending snowstorm? I’m not sure. Why would you need two carts of food? We aren’t in the wilderness. I even had a pizza delivered in a blizzard once! Yes, I tipped the driver well. The checkout lines are crazy. Why do all these people have two carts? I’m so hungry. I want to grab a drink out of the cooler, but the bastards will charge me almost two dollars for a small bottle of water when I have a 2.5 gallon bottle in my cart for $2.50. I’m too cheap and choose to starve and dehydrate. It’s worth it because I just got all my groceries at almost half price with my coupons. I saved $80 and spent $84. I need a drink.

I stop at Wendy’s as 5 cars pull in front of me from the other exit. Crap! I’m so hungry and need to eat this shit or I’m going to pass out. I order a cod sandwich and a water. ( I know, but whatever.) I get my sandwich and no water. Seriously! I hate the drive thru! I eat my semi-crappy sandwich like there is no tomorrow. I need to stop at Rite Aid for my free Keri cream and Up rewards. I’ll get water there. I get behind possibly the slowest car known to man. I begin to wonder if I could just prop up my gas pedal with something while I run along the other car tapping on the window asking if they could get out of my way. Okay, maybe not a good idea. I finally get to Rite Aid . They are out of the Keri cream. Of course, it was free and it’s now Wednesday and I won’t leave the house. ( Not even for free cream) I buy a few items, get my Up rewards and leave. It’s not good.

I get behind a Lincoln TownCar circa 1984. The right side is much lower than the left and I can’t see the drivers head. That means old person! I spend what seems an eternity driving 25 behind this person, but at least I bought water at Rite Aid and it only cost me 50 cents! I finally make it home and want to kiss the ground. A package is waiting for me on the porch and my mailbox is full.  At last, I’m here and I couldn’t be happier.

Oh, crap! I have to unload the car…………….

Comments

  1. Jenn Markwerth says:

    I am right with you on this. I always thought it was my husband’s fault I am this way ( because of his job and his constant pointing out of people’s errors). I am now guessing it may not be the case since you seem to be having the same problems I do. School drop offs boy do I want to just get out a slap some people in the morning for the lack of common sense! The drop off circle is there for quick drop! If you want to talk and smooch your child more sure I am all for it , GO and park and walk your child!!!! Oh I could go on and on……

  2. i have to tell you… i almost peed when i read this line “I’m too cheap and choose to starve and dehydrate.” omg – been there… own the bumper sticker… isn’t that sad/lame and yet funny/true? omg milena this has been one of my favorite posts in a long time… you made me laugh more than once… i’ve lived this day myself… loved it

  3. That does sound like an adventurous morning!

  4. we only have a Walmart & Safeway in town (there’s a City Market 30min away, but why go there when Walmart will comp your items?) so we don’t have many options, but I coupon & do the Safeway J4u program. I think the part about the small aisles is true about all ShopRites (sounded like you were talking about the one in Newport, DE, lol). Well, at least you made it home safely ;)

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