A few folks have been anxiously awaiting this post. Not only was I sick this past week, but I had to deal with a school bus bully. My 7-year-old came home from school and told me that he asked the bus driver to change his seat on the bus because his seat mate ( let’s call him Matthew, obviously not his real name) told him he was going to kill him. I stood there astonished at the thought of another 7-year-old telling my son he was going to kill him as my son rambled on about how that would never happen. I asked him exactly what happened and it went something like this:
Matthew and I were playing with my stuffed animal and Tom (also not his real name) wanted to play too, but Matthew said he couldn’t. So I started playing with Tom and Matthew got mad and told me he would bring a knife on the bus in the morning and kill me. He said he would stab me and then he showed me how he would do it. I told him he would never do that. He would get into alot of trouble. He said his parents let him do whatever he wants and he’s killed a deer before and would kill me too. As my son exits the bus he tells the bus driver that he no longer wants to sit with Matthew and he would like to sit with Tom in the morning.ย
As you can see there are a few things happening here in this story and this mom picked up the phone and called the bus garage to report the incident. Needless to say my son did not ride the bus to school the next morning and both mom and dad spoke to the Vice Principal about this event that next day. Consequences have been handed out and the situation was dealt with quite quickly. In the end I think every single person involved in this story learned a lesson. I learned a few myself.
This week I learned that:
10. when something like this happens it sucks on both sides. ( I hate being the parent that has to make a phone call because my kid is being threatened, but what’s worse is being the parent of the bully. Imagine how horrible they feel getting that phone call.)
9. some of life’s best lesson are learned on the bus/playground. ( My son blew it off as a kid saying mean stuff. He needed to learn it’s just not okay even if it is another little kid.)
8. adults are real quick to name call a little kid. ( Do I like what happened?- Hell no, but resorting to calling a 7-year-old names (like douche bag and asshole) doesn’t make things better. I was shocked at the reaction of adults that I told.)
7. when parents are open to their child’s mistakes it makes situations like these easier for everyone. ( These parents really stepped up to the plate and handled the situation gracefully. I’m thankful for that and learned that if the roles are ever reversed I need to do the same thing.)
6. my son truly had no idea that this was serious. ( This opened up the door to conversations about safety and violence. I don’t want my boys to be afraid, but I don’t want them to be naive either. The more my son told him, “No you wouldn’t do that.” , the more the kid went on and on about it. He( my son) needed to learn to walk away.)
5. being over protective isn’t the right thing to do for our children. ( I don’t live my life in fear and I don’t want my children to either. A healthy dose of knowing the signs of when a situation isn’t safe is what I want to teach them. I’m not going to pull him off the bus or homeschool him because of one incident. I was more worried that he wasn’t afraid.)
4. my son really needed to learn that when mom and dad aren’t around and someone is saying or doing something that’s wrong, he needs to speak up then and not wait. ( I’m glad he told me, but I was surprised he didn’t tell his bus driver. We had another great talk.)
3. if you want something done you need to keep at it or no one will do it for you. ( The bus people weren’t as snappy about this as I would have liked, but they were real pissed when I went to the school. I’ve learned from other experiences that sometimes you need to step on a few toes before you get the dance right. Things were cleared up in a day and no one had to yell. Did I ever mention that I’m a pretty good dancer?)
2. saying, “He’s 7. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” doesn’t cut it from the mom whose kid just got threatened. ( Remember that 6-year-old in Michigan that brought a gun to school and shot a classmate dead? I do. Did he mean to kill her? Probably not, but it still happened. Just think about what your kid could put in their backpack without you noticing. Hmmm.)
1. I’m very lucky to have kids that are open to talking to me and my husband. ( This opened up many great, yet difficult conversations for us as a family. On the flipside, I hope it opened up conversations at Matthew’s house and I hope he’s learned a lesson here as well.)
Marcia K says
It is great how cool and calm everyone was able to remain. I’m sure that made the issue easier to resolve!
beyourbestmom says
It certainly did help! I could have gone the other way too easily.
carie says
Who called Matthew names? School, bus, or parent? It’s sad when adults resort to name calling. I hope Matthew wasn’t present, that kid has enough problems dealing with anger.
Glad it all worked out for you. Hopefully your son has no more problems with Matthew and he was just having an isolated weird moment
beyourbestmom says
Other adults- not in front of him thankfully, but when I mentioned what had happened a few people I spoke with resorted in name calling which wasn’t helpful to me or the situation. Yes, I’m hoping this was also an isolated moment.
Michelle Christiansen says
good job, Mom! It sounds like you guys handled the situation well, and sharing your experience is helpful to those of us who haven’t “been there, done that” yet! ๐
Sandra VanHoey says
I guess I shouldnt be shocked since you hear more and moe of this on a daily basis. We can never trust when a child says this if he will fllow through or not after hearing so many have. The good thing is you caught this so quickly and resolved (or hopefully resolved) this issue so nothing will happen like this in the future. Wow!
Mama to 5 BLessings says
Great tips, it sucks to see your child bullied as a parent. Part of me wants to scream at the child but it’s best not to unless there is violence involved. My son was bullied not to long ago at church and I didn’t say anything to the child I went another way and it got handled. Children do need to learn how to stand on their own 2 feet preparing them for the real world.
brett says
yep. people do call names very quickly. very few kids who bully are even “bad” and for heaven’s sake, when they are little, there’s likely a very (sad) reason they are lashing out. i believe that truly “bad” people are very few and far between
Sandra says
Life lessons like these are learned all throughout life. I have 5 kids and each one handles these type of situations differently. I have 2 very sensitive ones and 3 that don’t care about what others say. But as a mom regardless of the child mine or not it is hard to see people in general treat each other poorly.
Jenns Blah Blah Blog says
Such an important subject that doesn’t get talked about enough. We are dealing with a bully right now, it took my daughter a while to open up to me and tell me too. I kept asking, I knew something was going on I could see the difference…
Jessica Beal Harlow says
As astounding and frighenting as this situation is, I worry it’s more prevalent in our schools than we imagine. I’m so glad you were so proactive and preventitive. There definitely lessons learned by all (you, your son, the other boy, the bus driver, and hopefully administrators at your school). There’s no place for bullying anywhere and the more people are called out on it, possibly the more we can prevent it. Thanks for sharing a truly relateable post!
Jennifer B says
This is a scary story but I’m so glad that you were able to get everything resolved quickly too.
Christy H says
I have had this problem with my son and it is so heartbreaking. I wish I could just jump in his body and get everybody in line.. But I can’t. I have to stand back. And let him grow. Thank you for sharing your story!
Coralie says
It is so important to have open communication with your kids for this very reason. The good and the bad things can be handled and it not only makes them stronger and better but you as a parent as well. Thank you for sharing. These can be hard situations and it is nice to learn how others handle it.
Lisa says
Wow. I don’t know if I could have been as calm as you.
Amy Desrosiers says
I think a lot of kids hear things and say things from shows they watch. I had a situation like this happen to me, and lets just say Spongebob was referred to. As innocent as it sounds..5 year old do pick things up from certain shows and repeat them. I know it first hand. ๐
Pam says
It definitely is awful to see your kid bullied. I’m glad that everyone stepped up to the plate and appropriate punishments were handed out.
Debbie Denny says
I just hate hearing about kids being bullied. Great post!
trisha says
Honestly I am just so glad he TOLD you!!! Yikes, what a scary situation.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
I’m so glad it was handled immediately and put to rest. Kids these days do snap quicker than they have in previous generations so it needs to be dealt with.
Brittnei says
I have to agree about this having to be awkward whichever parent that you are. It sounds like you handled it really well though. I like your tips that you give. My son isn’t in this situation yet since he’s barely 2 but it’s nice to get an idea of what I could do if something like this were to happen.
Mommy2Jam says
This make me so sad and scared for our youth. I am going to make my boys read this blog post and hopefully this will open up doors of communication from bullying. I think you handled this correctly and you are right this is serious. I however being the neurotic I am would have had the kid transferred to another school or my son would be going to private school. see I let my fear take me to places I shouldn’t I truly enjoyed your check list and how honest you were with this. I really don’t know what I would have done in this situation.
Pauline Cabrera says
You did a great job in handling this situation well. It is good to know that the situation was dealt with immediately.
Danielle @ We Have It All says
I had a similar situation this year with my 4 year old. A kid on the bus told her he was going to bring a knife and stab her family and she’s cried going to school ever since. Not fun.
Diane @ Philzendia says
Happy toe hear that this was resolved swiftly. Such a scary world we live in.
Stefani says
I am lucky too, my kids tell us more than I would think they would. Glad your situation didn’t get worse.
Lexie Lane says
I think it’s truly important for us to make our kids comfortable enough to be able to talk to us about whatever bothers them. Sorry you had to go through that situation but I guess it’s what makes you who you are today, right? Thanks for sharing.
Robyn says
I’m not looking forward to having to go through this when my daughter goes to school.