So, I’m switching it up a bit this week. Instead of my usual 10 things post I’ll be posting about 10 Things Never to Say to a Mom. This week I’ve learned it doesn’t really matter what side of the parenting road you fall on. People still have and will make judgements about you. Honestly, it’s all crap. Maybe it’s simplistic, but I’d like to think that as parents our main goals are all the same and that’s to raise happy healthy children. Maybe what we consider to be happy or even healthy are different, but the goal is always the same. So, to make this post even better I’m splitting up between working and stay at home moms. These are the things we moms can’t stand to hear. Please feel free to add more in the comments!
5 Things NEVER to say to a working mom:
5. It must be so hard to let someone else raise your children. You must really trust them.
4. Have you watched the news lately? Did you see what just happened when they hid that camera in that daycare?
3. I remember how my mom never came to school events or field trips. I was so jealous of the other kids.
2. It must be so hard not to feel guilty.
1. I love my children too much to just leave them with a stranger.
5 Things NEVER to say to a stay at home mom:
5. So, what is it that you do all day?
4. Too bad you wasted all that money on a college degree. Thank God your husband is paying off your student loan.
3. You spend all day with your kids. I can’t even imagine how awful that is.
2. Oh, I just assumed your house would so much cleaner considering you don’t work.
1. When do plan on getting a real job?
Why, why, why, do we try to take each other down this way? It’s cruel. I also didn’t even touch the other side that has emerged over the years and that’s the stay at home mom that works/has her own business. I can only imagine what she doesn’t want to hear. Please comment, tell me what you don’t ever want to hear. I get annoyed when I hear any of this because I truly feel that a mom is a mom. The beauty of feminism is that I have a choice. I can go out and work or I can chose to stay home. It’s up to me. Staying at home doesn’t make a woman more womanly and working doesn’t make a woman more like a man. I get a choice and what hurts is when another woman doesn’t respect me for that choice. We are all on the same side. Women have fought for years for the right to make their own choices. Lets not harm other with our language and judgements for that choice. Embrace who you are without breaking others down to do so.
Michaela K says
Thumper said it best “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothin’ at all”. I really try to live by this philosophy unfortunately others don’t play so nice. I completely agree with your ending statement! You should make a button, plaque or badge out of it.
Mrs. F says
For the Stay at Home Mom:
Once, when I was home with Molly, my in-laws were visiting for the weekend. To take advantage of the extra help on a Sunday night, I decided to make sandwiches for the next few days for myself and my husband, who was back at work at the time. I asked my husband what he would like in his sandwiches. My Father in Law (who COULD have kept his mouth shut) said “Forgive me, but why are you making sandwiches for yourself? Won’t you be home to do it tomorrow?” At the time, I was on a lovely try-to-nurse-but-end-up-pumping-every-hour-and-a-half schedule. AGGGHHHHH! I could have lept over the counter and slapped him!
For the Working Mom (I get this a lot…):
“How much DO you pay for daycare?” (Emphasis on the fact that I am paying a daycare provider a significant amount of my salary.) BTW– It’s none of their business! I am happy with what I pay since Molly gets excellent care!
Jill Guntur says
What I am always astounded by are the hoards of women that will surround a pregnant woman and begin to tell their horror stories of giving birth. Or laugh and chuckle about “Your life will be over and you better get sleep now.” What a different world it would be if every Mom approached a pregnant woman with encouragement instead of competitive spirit.
Alison says
Yes equally awful!
Walter Milani says
In the words of one of my favorite french authors Honore de Balzac: “A mother who is truly a mother is never free!” I’m glad I was born a man because I’m much too selfish and I wouldn’t have handled all the pressure well and I have the ultimate respect for what mother’s do. Mothers should be revered as much as the Pope is revered by devout Catholics. I’m lucky because I was raised by the best mom in the world.
Kim says
What I don’t want to hear? Anyone’s opinion that I didn’t ask for ๐
YUMMommy says
At the end of the day, being a mother is hard work period. It doesn’t matter if you work or stay at home. We all have struggles when it comes to parenting. And I believe that our struggles are equal. It takes less energy to build up other moms than it does to think of something rude to say.
Michelle Christiansen says
As a childcare provider, I’ve come to understand that not everyone (dads included) is cut out to take care of their kids 24hrs a day. We’ve had parents tell us “I just don’t know how you can do it”. Some people are cut out for it, while others are not (this is called balance). However, everyone needs a break too ๐ (that & PPD were not explained to me as a new mother….I wish I had found this blog then ๐
Susan Polifemo says
You’re so right about people tearing each other down. Especially women. We should be building each other up. We are the care givers, the multi taskers, the social coordinators, the chefs, the housekeepers and everything else on the planet. Mothers – especially ones that are stay at home should be at the top of the list. Kudos to all moms who make sacrifices for their children. We all do whether at home or working or both. We are raising our future and that is a tremendous responsibility.