On July 21st 1998 my father lost his long battle with cancer. As odd as it might sound I was relieved to be there when he passed. It made it very real to me and at times I replay that morning in my head like I’m watching a movie that runs both on slow motion and fast forward at the same time. It’s a hard day for me. I seem to get stuck on all the things we have missed together. He never got to walk me down the aisle or meet my husband or hold his grandchildren. This year, this year was different for me. I was finally able to focus on what I actually have in life because of lessons he taught me. While I don’t think I will ever get over not having in my life, I have become aware of everything that I do have because of him. I know in my heart that is exactly what he would have wished for me and I celebrate that fact.
My dad taught me that:
10. homemade is better. ( It wasn’t just my mom that cooked. My dad cured his own meats, made sausages, and wine. He also made amazing sauces and polenta. We always had our own garden. My dad and mom talked about knowing what was in your food, where it came from and how you never could truly know how old that packaged food item could be.)
9. speaking a second language is a gift. ( Boy, did we fight over this one. As a child I was embarrassed in front of my friends to speak Italian. Then they would ask me to say things so they could giggle at me. Ugh! He only wanted us to speak Italian to him and my mom. A gift that now I am very grateful for when I travel.)
8. taking pride in your appearance matters. ( My dad never came downstairs in the morning unless he was fully dressed and his hair was combed. I remember waiting anxiously every Christmas in my PJs just for him to come downstairs so I could open my gifts. Looking back at old photographs and knowing how tight times were for our family before I was born my mom and dad always looked their best. Personally when I have a sweatshirt and jeans day nothing seems to go right for me, but when I slap on a dress and smile life is good.)
7. setting aside time to spend with friends is important. ( We always had several families over our home for Sunday lunch. My mom and dad would cook, serve drinks, and then there would be some passionate discussions about politics, religion and other topics that now seem to be taboo. It was all among friends and they agreed to disagree. This is one of main reasons I started hosting ladies night at my home. People seem “too busy” to get together with their families these days. )
6. if you be yourself when you talk to people you can talk to anyone. ( My dad would show the same amount of respect to a worker as he did to a New York State Senator. He could talk to anyone.)
5. it’s important to give back. ( My parents came to this country with very little money a toddler and my mom was pregnant. He knew what it was like to have a family and to struggle. He would always take our old clothes, toys and household items to the families in the poor sections of town that he knew. Even when we didn’t have a lot he always gave because someone always had less.)
4. I am powerful. ( When I wanted to go back to school after being in the workforce for a few years he reminded me that his wish for me was to never have to depend on someone. That if I was ever to get into a relationship that went sour he wanted me to be able to get up and leave. To not feel trapped. He was feminist and never even knew it!)
3. it’s okay to be proud of what you have worked on creating. ( My dad loved showing people his work. It didn’t matter if it was a statue he painted, the huge tomatoes he’d grown or the barrels of wine waiting to be tapped. He loved it when people showed an interest in his work.)
2. it’s okay dance like no one is watching even when they are! ( My dad loved to dance and so do I. He would dance with everyone and didn’t care what music was playing. I don’t think I have ever seen him smile as much as he did when he was dancing. We could do a mean polka together even though I’m not sure what I was doing! I take every chance I get to hit the dance floor and I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s my happy place.)
1. even in the darkest moments it’s okay to laugh. ( One evening when I was sleeping over my parents house right before my father passed my mother had fallen asleep. My father wanted to try to sleep as well, but he needed help brushing his teeth and didn’t want to wake her. As I was holding his teeth in my hand brushing them, I dropped them on the floor. I was horrified. I turned around and he was standing right behind me and started laughing. I was relieved and began to laugh as well. That was the last time I remember laughing with him.)
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
Your dad sounds like an awesome man. He taught you well 🙂
Heather Lawrence says
What an Honor to be there with him when he passed and to be able to Honor him today with everything he taught you is so very special.
Carol Bryant says
Goodness I love the black and white photos. It is fantastic that you have great memories of your dad to cherish.
Dawn McAlexander says
That’s sad that you lost your dad in that way. However, I am glad that you got to spend his final moments with him.
Tiaras & Tantrums says
I loved reading this – I didn’t really get an opportunity to get to know my father as an adult because he died when I was 18
Jeanine says
What a sweet post. He seems like a very, amazing guy! Very nice.
Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly says
Great post. I lost my Dad at a very early age and sadly didn’t get very much with him as my parents were split up by the time I was born, but he was also a meticulous dresser so I can relate to your Dad always being dressed and ready, my Dad was that way too!
Lorane says
#1 is the most important as we go through so much as humans … These are all great lessons from dad
Amanda says
Your dad sounds like he was an amazing man. I love all of the life lessons he shared with you!
Liz Mays says
These are awesome things to have learned. He must have been an awesome father.
Rosey says
I like that he took the time out to show you how much he cared. He sounds absolutely amazing.
Tonya C says
I loved this! Your Dad was a wise man! I love every single thing you learned.
Amanda Love says
My own dad passed away 2 years ago from cancer and I’m still learning to deal with his passing. He taught me a lot as well and I can see from your post that he meant a great deal to you. Here’s to DADS!
angie says
as a daddy girl I loved your post what a tribute to your dad, I love the things he taught you
Kerri says
I love your memories. Yes, homemade is better. What an honor and memory!
Laura funk says
This was a very sweet post. I love that your dad was such a great influence in your life.
Annie {Stowed Stuff} says
Great lessons from Dad. Great photos too. xoxo