* Be Your Best Mom is hosting guest blogger and freelance writer Jill Valentino today. Here are her thoughts on being a cheer mom!*
When I was a 14-year-old ninth grader, I somehow thought that trying out for my junior high modified cheerleading squad was a good idea for me. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking; my personality has never once screamed (nor whispered) “cheerleader.” Nonetheless, I put 110% into learning the routines, even practicing at home on a daily basis. Come tryout time, I was pretty confident that I would make the team.
The day the results were posted, I excitedly ran to the gym door before my first period class to check the team list. I was bursting at the seams with confidence as well as anticipation.
My eyes went down the list once. Twice. Three times. Where was my name?
It took a moment before the reality hit me.
I didn’t make the team.
Not even as an alternate.
Bewildered, I needed a few minutes to let the truth marinate in my adolescent mind as I walked back down the hall. During that time, I was able to deduce that I was but one of only three girls cut from the team, which didn’t help me feel better in the least. After accepting the realization that all my hard work had not, did not, and would not lead to my desired result of being a part of the squad, I did what any self-respecting, dignified 14-year-old would have done in this type of situation.
I burst into tears in Global Studies.
Indeed, it was not my finest hour.
Fast forwarding almost exactly 20 years later, of course my then-6-year-old daughter S* would bring home a cheerleading camp flier from school and hand it to me, with a big smile, asking me if she could please go. I responded by looking at her in disbelief, saying, “really?”
“Yes,” S would reply, with 100% conviction. “I want to go to cheer camp this summer.”
Damn you, public school community advertising.
To my dismay (which I hid from S, of course), she absolutely loved cheer camp. Due to her camp experience, S then expressed interest in trying out for the year-round cheer team. However, since we had already financially committed to dance classes for the year, I was secretly thrilled to be able to use that as an excuse for not looking into cheer any further, and I hoped that would be the end of it. Unfortunately for me, however, my daughter is not the least bit forgetful when it comes to something she wants. At the end of her first grade-year, she cleverly went to my husband and asked if she could please try out for all-star cheerleading before committing to yet another year of dance classes. Even though my husband knew how much I disliked the idea of cheer, he took S to tryouts anyway, due to her intense interest in learning more about the program, as well as the fact that she was starting to get a bit bored with dance classes anyway.
So, S tried out. She was also elated when she found out that she made the Mini Level 1 All-Star Team. At first, I was kind of aggravated that my husband took her to try out without discussing it with me first, but I eventually put those feelings aside and let it go (though I secretly hoped that she would decide that she hated cheer and quit before the year was through.)
And on that day, Reluctant Cheer Mom was born.
I’ll admit that at first, every single cheer team parent expectation made me angry. The uniform was too expensive! They want me to drive how many miles away for a competition? I have to wake up at 5 am and flat iron hair? S needs “special” shoes that cost what? I HAVE TO PUT EYE MAKEUP ON MY PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL?
Along with my frustration for the cheer requirements, a good portion of my disdain was directed toward the other cheer moms as well. I assumed that all of the team cheer moms were stereotypically “cliquey”, and I was, admittedly, not exactly overly friendly to them at first. In fact, at S’ first few competitions, I wouldn’t even sit in the same bleachers as the Mini moms. Because “I” was NOT a follower. “I” was not one of THEM. “They” weren’t nice.
However, as the season progressed, my bad attitude began to fade, as did the stereotypical image I had of my fellow cheer moms being unpleasant, unwelcoming people. Of course there were one or two moms that I ended up not meshing with, but I’d be faced with those odds in any mom group. When I couldn’t figure out how to style S’ hair in a “poof” for a competition, I sent a frantic group e-mail to every cheer mom in the organization, and within 5 minutes I had two moms offering to do her hair for me at the competition venue. Another time, when one of the other moms saw my huge pregnant-at-the-time self struggling to squat down and put on S’ eye makeup, she told me to go rest and offered to do my daughter’s makeup for me. For her first three years in cheer, S was lucky enough to have a fabulous coach who was talented, caring, and had a wonderful connection with the girls on the team, always encouraging them no matter how the team scored at a competition, and never letting my ultrasensitive daughter feel badly if she slipped during a stunt or messed up her back walkover during a scored performance. Eventually, I learned that most of the people involved in cheerleading were decent people, and in time, both S and I ended up making some pretty good friends from the experience!
As S enters her fourth year of all-star cheer with no intention of stopping anytime soon, I am happy to report that I have gotten over just about all of my initial prejudices regarding having a daughter enrolled in all-star cheerleading. I am now acutely aware that I had been stereotyping everything related to the one activity my daughter loved, and eventually, I had to admit the real truth to myself- my horrible attitude was a result of my own issues involving an incident that happened over 20 years ago. How incredibly sad for me! But also how incredibly fortunate that I was able to adjust my attitude, find acceptance, and now, even enjoy my daughter’s choice of extra-curricular activity as well.
This year, S, at age 10, is about to begin her fourth year cheering, with no signs of stopping anytime soon. And I am almost as excited as she! We have switched to a new, bigger gym, where she has been placed on the Senior Level 2 team as one of its youngest members. Even her toddler sister has started tumbling classes! S continues to love to cheer- it is one of her passions, of which I am now 100% supportive. I understand and accept that my only role as “Cheer Mom” is to be her cheerleader, with no more of my own junior high ancient history woes getting in the way. Because- duh, it’s not about me.
Reluctant Cheer Mom? No. Make that Proud Cheer Mom.
*Initial used to protect privacy
Jill Valentino is a freelance writer, aspiring author, and working mom of two sassy ladies aged 10 and 2. When not sleeping, parenting, wife-ing, or educating the future of tomorrow, she likes to blog about kids, music, and life at doublesmom77.com. Jill has contributed to Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Country Living, House Beautiful, Elle Décor, and Woman’s Day Magazines. Follow her on twitter at twitter.com/doublesmom77, or at Tumblr at doublesmom77.tumblr.com.
Amy Jones says
Watching your child do the things they love and cheering them up must be so beautiful!! great parenting here
Jill Valentino says
Thank you for your kind words. It is indeed beautiful. Well said!
Melanie Smith says
This is so nice! I was a cheerleader when I was a child and my mom was supporting me everytime. It feels so good. Your child must be happy.
Jill Valentino says
Thank you! It does feel good, and yes, she is happy, which is the most important thing!
Karlyn Cruz says
It is really helpful if a mom cheers up for her kid. I remember when I was young, my mom was so supportive.
Jill Valentino says
It took a little time, but I’m very glad I got to that place myself. Thanks for the comment!
victoria says
It is so nice to being a cheer mom to our kids.
Jill Valentino says
Yes, it’s much more fun that I every imagined (or feared haha) it would be! Thanks!
Jill Valentino says
Yikes! *ever imagined
Rachel Mouton says
It is great that you are supporting your daughter in something she loves. My daughter loves sports and sports have been great for her!
Jill Valentino says
Sports has been great. Such a great way to keep healthy and moving (as S loves reading, writing, and technology so she’s often more sedentary at home). And its given he so much confidence. I’m amazed at what she can do. Thanks for the comment!
Jill Valentino says
Yikes! *Sports have
*given her
Rosey says
I love that the other moms pitch right in to help. And you’re right, the ratio you came across of not meshing happens in any group. 🙂
Jill Valentino says
Absolutely! Most of them were wonderful ladies and as for the one or two, well, I’ve learned a long time ago that you can’t please everyone. Thanks for the comment!
Niesha Byln says
Oh, this is such a nice journey. I remember when I was young, my mom is always there.
Jill Valentino says
I hope my daughters feels the same way about me when she grows up. Thanks for the comment!
Jill Valentino says
Yikes. *daughter feels
Liz Mays says
Flashback to my own teenage years disappointment at not making the squad. My daughter made it easily when she reached those years and she even competed. Like you, I cheered her on with pride!
Jill Valentino says
Awesome! In solidarity! Thanks for the comment!
Chei says
It is fun to cheer especially to your kids. I love cheer dancers! 😀
Jill Valentino says
I agree! Thanks for the comment!
Lois Alter Mark says
I’m glad my daughter never wanted to be a cheerleader but I give you a lot of credit for getting past your own history with it. I’m cheering for both you and your daughter!
Jill Valentino says
Ha! I totally understand where you are coming from. Thank you for the credit, the cheer, and the comment!
Echo says
I have always said that I will never be a cheer mom. However, I know the day may come when I will, in fact, be a cheer mom. Not yet though, lol.
Jill Valentino says
Trust me, I felt the same way. Though now, I think all-star cheer has actually been more fun and interesting to be a part of/watch than many of the other activities she has been involved in. Really! Thanks for the comment!
Shauna says
What a fun journey you and your daughter are on. I wasn’t on a cheer squad but I did dance classes through out high school. I can’t wait to put my daughter in dance or even gymnastics.
Jill Valentino says
It really has been a fun journey, which has been a delightful surprise! Which is also why my second daughter has started toddler tumbling already (plus she idolizes her sister so why delay the inevitable, right?) My youngest began classes at only 22 months old! Thanks for the comment!
Elizabeth O. says
I’m glad that you’ve finally accepted her passion and that you’re more supportive than ever! It’s really nice to be able to give your child the support he or she needs when it comes to their chosen sport or interest!
Jill Valentino says
I am glad too! I totally agree, its a wonderful thing, even when her chosen interest(s) are not even remotely identical to mine. Though she does like reading, writing, music, and problem solving, so we do have some commonalities. But I’m raising a unique individual, not a clone of myself, which is important for me to always remember! Thanks for the comment!
Kathy Kenny Ngo says
Cheering your kid is a big thing for them. Your kid will appreciate more if you will cheer for him/her. It is a great way to bond too.
Jill Valentino says
I totally agree! Thanks for the comment!
amer says
Nice! Like mother like daughter! She’s so adorable. I bet you’re so proud!
Jill Valentino says
Thank you! I am very proud. Thanks for the comment!
Mama to 6 Blessings says
Congrats to your daughter for her commitment and to you for standing by her side! You such a good mom, I am sure you learned a lot from the process!
Jill Valentino says
Thank you for the kind words. Indeed I did learn a lot. It’s amazing what our children can teach us. Thanks for the comment!
Rebecca Bryant says
watching your child fulfill their passion and to excel at it is an amazing thing to see. I am happy you are able to be happy and to cheer her on now.
Jill Valentino says
I totally agree- it is amazing. It took time, but I am glad that I came around. Thank you for the comment!
Cynthia says
What a great story. I am so glad that you didn’t let your dislike of cheer to stop your daughter from following one of hers. So happy to see that she has your support – I bet she is so happy to see you out there cheering for her.
Jill Valentino says
Thank you for the compliment! I don’t think I’d ever stop her from pursuing a passion provided it was safe and age appropriate….but I am certainly glad that I was able to adjust my attitude toward the whole idea of cheerleading because I think my bad attitude may have affected her desire to continue cheerleading in the future. Of course if she ever wanted to quit, I’d be ok with that, but I wouldn’t ever want her to quit due to my feelings or because of something I said. I hope she is happy seeing me out there, supporting her. I think she is 🙂
Thank you for the comment!
CourtneyLynne says
Omg how fun is it to watch your kiddo do what they love!!! I was a cheerleader and hopefully my daughter will be one day too. If she wants to 😉
Jill Valentino says
It is fun! I hope so for you and your daughter too! All-star cheer is really a very impressive, extremely athletic sport. Very different than the cheerleading I grew up watching. Thanks for the comment!
Sarah Bailey says
This is so great! I love seeing parents getting behind something that their child loves.
Christina Aliperti says
I’m a baseball mom and I love it! The sense of family is amazing and seeing the kids growing up together is priceless.
Mariana says
Good for you for being your daughter’s cheerleader and realizing this isn’t about you. Sometimes that’s really hard to do! Wishing your daughters success in cheerleading and everything else they strive for!
berlin domingo says
cheering for our kids’ activities makes everything worthwhile. the kids see the effort and you, on the other hand, enjoy every moment. both of you enjoy seeing the support and love.
Heather Lawrence says
Love this post! My eldest daughter is a CFL (Canadian football league) cheerleader.
She’s only been cheering for the past 4 years so I know all about the bows, the injuries, the competitions and hour after hour of practice.
I have to admit, it makes me wish I had tried out for the squad when I was in high school but that’s ok. I can live vicariously through my daughter 😉