We have only been members of 4H for a few months when an opportunity came to participate in the public presentations program. My youngest is a talker and can express his passion in ways that I never knew a 7 year old was capable of. My oldest, well, he didn’t speak until he was about 4 or 5 years old, not in sentences at least. He is currently and has been getting speech therapy since he was 18 months old. His diagnosis is Aspergers Syndrome along with some Auditory Processing issues. ( The information takes a bit longer to get from his mind out of his mouth.) He is very smart and a joy to be around. At school he has been labeled as the quiet one, but at home he is an active member of our family discussions and you would never notice that speech would be an issue. I was sure that he would not want to take part in the public presentations program.
Imagine my surprise when he not only wanted to take part in it, but he actually wanted to do a demonstration. I felt sick. He wanted to make an omelet in front of the judges. I wanted to die. He makes us breakfast almost every weekend and he does a great job, but this would be in front of an audience. All I kept imagining was him freezing up like I’ve seen him do at school. He would never want to make an omelet again. His confidence would be crushed. I have to try to talk him out of this somehow. Then the other shoe dropped, not only does he have to make an omelet, but he’d have to follow certain rules. Dear Lord NO! Clean items on one side, dirty items on the other, hands must be washed and announced. There is no way this kid is going to remember this or pull it off. I felt awful for thinking this way. I just didn’t want him to fail. I tried talking him into doing something different, but he acted like it was no big deal and he would just do it.
We went through the rules, we practiced and he would remember somethings and forget others. ( Stupid processing disorder!) I couldn’t sleep or focus on anything the night before the presentation. The day of was even worse. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I had never felt so anxious about anything in my life. ANYTHING! Why this? I wasn’t giving the presentation. Was he ready? Could I let go? Could I just let go and let him fail or succeed without me? Why did I not believe in him?
The Presentation:
As if I wasn’t nervous enough we ended up having to wait an hour before it was our turn. My son refused to let me get his chef hat or apron on, which in turn made me panic more. Then he tells me, ” I wish this was in the morning. I’m better in the morning. Now I’m tired and have too many things in my head and can’t remember my lines.” I assure him that he’ll be fine as I search for a bathroom to vomit in. It’s our turn. I get him dressed in his chef’s gear and set up his cooking demonstration area. I mention a few things to him that probably confused the hell out of him then took my place in the audience. He started his presentation a bit rocky, but he quickly picked up the pace. I jumped out of my seat at one point because I bought a different type of cooking spray and thought he sprayed himself with it. I apologized and immediately sat down. ( OH God, I’m one of those moms-NO!) The judges laughed as he was funny and honest. He flipped his omelet with a round of applause. Tears welled up in my eyes. I have never been so proud. He took questions and answered them well. We were asked to leave the room while the judges scored him. He told us that he was super scared because the omelet looked thin and he thought it was going break, but he covered it up. Then we got the news, he would get a blue award for doing an outstanding job! The criticism was no snappy introduction, which he forgot to do, but obliged them by doing it for them now. They laughed and told him that would have been great. He was so proud of himself.
What I learned was that I wasn’t scared he was going to fail, but that I was. In my head this was going to be a test to see if everything that I had taught him about being confident and being who he is would pass. In my head if he failed, I failed. So selfish, but true. Think about how many parents push their kids to do things because they want to look like they are successful parents. I have always let my boys lead the way and this time I wasn’t ready for the journey. I wasn’t ready to let go and see if he could make it on his own. Some people learn from books, but the most I have learned about being a parent has come from my children. They teach me new lessons everyday and I’m happy to receive them. I’m glad I didn’t run and say no to doing the demonstration. I’m glad I didn’t tell him he couldn’t or that it would too hard. He once again showed me that he is the best judge of what he is capable of doing. I’m thankful that I didn’t let my fear stop him.
Have you ever felt this way before? Did you give your child a chance to show you what they are made of?
Walter Milani says
That was one of the best and most touching articles you have ever written! The kids are lucky to have you for a mom!
beyourbestmom says
Aww. Thank you. I’m lucky to have such wonderful teachers in my life.
Stephanie says
Best Mom Article EVER!!!!!!!!! It doesn’t get any more honest then this. You are an inspiration and don’t give yourself enough credit. If every parent was honest with themselves we would all be better for it. Great Job Noah!!!!!!!!!!!
beyourbestmom says
Thanks so much! It was so difficult to write, but I had to share my ahh moment with everyone.
Jenn M says
Wow! Amazing! So happy for you both!
Mrs. F says
Sooo proud of you and N. I wish I could have been there to see him! Pass on my congrats to him!
Ruth says
I LOVE this story!!! It was filled with beautiful excrutiating details and honesty. What a wonderful experience and life lesson!!!! So proud of your son for being able to do this AND earn a blue ribbon, and so proud of YOU!!! By the way, since he likes to cook, you can find out what he can enter into the County fair!