I have been having an odd sort of a week. It has been filled with surprises, some nastiness and a few laughs. Personally, I try to focus on what’s funny about a situation. I;m finding that people take things to seriously and have lost their ability to just relax in the moment and have a good laugh. Sometimes it’s even better if the what you are laughing at is yourself. Today’s laugh happened at the tanning salon. Yes, the tanning salon and before you mention it yes, I know it’s not the best for me, but everyone has a vice or two. For me, I hit the tanning salon right before shorts season to get some color and then I leave the rest to Mother Nature. I don’t want to look like a leather bag or anything. My husband was kind enough to buy me a gift certificate for the town tanning salon. You can always find interesting folks in there.
Here are the types of folks you can find at your local tanning salon: young girls especially around prom, orange leather bag looking people, people getting ready to attend a wedding or go on vacation and then a small number of somewhat normal people. The one thing we all have in common is a certain sense of vanity. I admit it. I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t care how I looked. The years have been kind to me, but still have taken it’s toll. After waiting behind a woman that felt the need to tell the attendant, while she was buying Snookie’s bronzer that her husband is friends with Snookie. Which turned into, well they went to school together. Not really the same as being friends, but whatever makes you feel important, remember we are all vain here at the salon. Then it’s my turn. I get all set and go to tanning bed number 8. That’s where the magic happens.
Tanning Bed 8:
So, the attendent sets the timer to turn your tanning coffin on. You have 4 minutes to disrobe and slather yourself with lotion that promises a volcano of color. As I’m rubbing this stuff on myself I notice the lotion she gave me also says firming. SCORE! I get an unpleasant look at myself in the mirror. Wow, the image has changed since the last time I went tanning. I won’t get into the tanning bed till the timer goes off because it’s cold and I’m naked. The timer goes off and the bed doesn’t turn on. I try pushing the start button, but that doesn’t work either. I’m naked and have an entire package of lotion on me. I try to cover myself with a towel so I can peek my head out the door, but that doesn’t work. I grab my phone and call the salon and tell them what’s going on. They reset the timer. Crap, another 4 minutes standing there naked and slippery. I remind myself that the tan will help cover imperfections in my skin and that I’m not a complete idiot. This time it works and I hop in my red coffin which I remembered from last year- the lid doesn’t stay open. You have to try to hold this heavy lid up and slip in. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I get dressed and as I’m walking out. The attendent compliments me on being smart enough to call. I told her I had thought about coming out, but they only give you a little wash cloth and that just wouldn’t have been enough to cover anything. We laugh and drive home to workout because I need to get my body back into shape.
So, now you know. I’m actually crazy enough to think about hiding behind a wash cloth naked. As vain as I can be, I can always laugh about it. Now, let me go and slather some cellulite cream on my thighs after I apply eye cream and try to convince the local plastic surgeon to have Botox party at my house as a freebie!
Ruth says
OMG – hysterical!!!!!
and for the record… I am not sure I would have been smart enough to call… !
Jenn says
I used to tan as well back in the day. I am bit scared to do the pick me ups you are doing before season just because I do not want to face the lifer’s that I have to run into there! Then ,yes there is the coffin thing. Maybe we should all make a tanning date and go together will make it easier for us all! Ding Ding Light bulb!
Michelle Christiansen says
This really made me laugh! Thanks!!
Friends w/ Snookie??/ I’m friends with Ryan Phillipe!!! Well not really…I went to school with a girl who went to school with him…
I don’t go to tanning salons because I’m sure something similar (or worse) would happen to me ๐ Fire drill, anyone?? ๐
beyourbestmom says
LOL! You are right about you ina tanning salon- you ahve the craziest things happen to you. At least you are interesting and will never run out of things to talk about.
Alyx says
Lol you’re much wiser than I am!!! I would have put ALL my clothes back on and walked out there!
Eileen says
Not a tanner. I have to admit the tanning bed looks a bit coffin like to me and that freaks me out.